Ahhh pain! Still should update more often I have no idea where I'm up to, where to start or anything. omg theres a slug crawling accross a plate in my room. do slugs crawl? or slime maybe. anyway what to type? pain, relationships, mental health, family, dunno....

Yes I have been in a lot of pain for a few days now, got a bloody infextion in an already painful wisdom tooth, its made half my face swell up hurts all along my jaw n down into my throught. I can hardly speak or eat, went to dentist yesterday, they still wanna take my tooth which I'm still against but was too swollen to do out so got anti biotics, mouth wash n not ment to smoke for the next few days then I go back on friday still gonna tell um I wanna keep all my teeth even the annoying ones that have been coming through since I was 19...

Next topic relationships ahhhhhhhhhh! ok I was in a relationship, broke it off a week later n now begining to feel like I'm been stalked. There's no major spark or connection, it may be harsh to say I prob care more about the colour of my toast then her. Shes always texting, having a go at me one min n trying to get me to go away with her the next. really cant be arsed with the situation n ignoring it aint makeing things any better. plus I sorta love a straight girl damn it. always fall for the wrong women.

mental health.... I have a psyciatrist coming to my house 2moro morning. So scared, have no idea what to say, I've been wrighting some things down but its not been going well. I had my 6 month interview thing n now got a sick note for a year, I dont wanna be on sick, I wanna be working so I can afford to have some fun n move outta this place again. Just need the confidence n drive to make something happen with my life.

family int that bad right now, My bigga bro came back from manchester on wednesday n is going back there today. not really spent much time outside my room so recon mama's pissed off with me as usual.

I've been trying to avoid posting why pissed off but these last few days have been a bitch! It just seem that anything that can go wrong has gone wrong from the little things like snapping bobbles to the good old knife dodging game. Yep that all started yesterday n continued this morning, my dad's been kicking off about living in a tip n going around trashing everything, got a graze across my leg from a flying table. What do these people expect? All my mam's done for the last 20+ years is sit on her arse barking orders, everytime I do put the effort in to clean the house it dont last more then an hour so whats the point anyway? Just better off staying in my room avoiding this shit.

Bitch decided to get intouch for some unknown reason a couple of days ago. It all started well, me just hurling abuse n generally telling her to fuck off n stay fucked off, she's not worth knowing but everything I said she agreed with n kept apolagising going on about missing friendship n crap, kept telling her I've heard it all before n its all a load of bull. I'm well pissed off with myself for not just pulling the plug n more pissed off for not been able to shake off some of the things she was saying. we got talking a bit civally, why should I care? Why do I care? Its annoying! I guess I am curious n worried about some things, court case, failing college, weed addiction, but I know I'm better off not knowing her at all. Manipulative cow!

On a plus note I got a letter today, getting £300 off social fund next week, was gonna use that for train fares but I'd rather use it as a deposit on a flat hell a betsit or hostil would do right now. Another good thing when I'm pissed off I do a harder work out. I just wanna get outta here, outta this city! Mark's trying to persuade me to go to sheff uni but I recon I'll fail before I even start. Might be a good idea to crash there a couple of weeks, get a job, somewhere to live, at least I know someone in the city. Talked to an army careers guy, prob would get failed on medical due to depression, suppose I could still try n blag it, anything anywhere has gotta be better then here!